


He's Not Dead

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, References to Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-29
Updated: 2013-04-29
Packaged: 2017-12-09 21:25:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/778147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 4 in the morning when Gerard wakes Frank up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's Not Dead

**Author's Note:**

> Written for patricstump on tumblr who wanted fic based on the song Boy Division

            Frank woke up to the sound of his bunk curtain being pulled. Instinctively, he pulled the blanket tightly over his back. He had been the victim of enough midnight pranks to know that it was wisest to just curl up and wait for whomever was there to get bored of you and leave. So he brought his legs to his chest and stared down the wall, anticipating a water balloon or maybe a pair of dirty water to come down on his head. But it was quiet.

             “Frank, are you awake?” Gerard’s voice was small and tight. His breathing sounded ragged, hitching on every third or fourth inhale. Frank knew before he even turned that Gerard had been crying.

             When he did face Gerard, Frank could barely see his red, raw eyes in the lazy shadows of the bus. There were no sounds from anywhere else, shit, it must be way early, in one of those rare hours no one on the tour was awake. Frank sat up in his bunk.

             “Yeah man, what’s going on. Are you okay?” He whispered, one hand searching for the tiny light above his pillow.

             The brightness made Gerard’s skin look sick and translucent, punctuated by red lines of makeup that didn’t really wash off.

            “I’m,” Gerard paused and pulled at the sleeves of his filthy hoodie, “God, Frank, I’m so scared. It’s all going to shit and I’m so scared.”

             Frank kicked his legs over the side of the bunk and hopped down to the floor. He could see Gerard’s eyes starting to shine again in the harsh light coming from his bunk.

             “Come on, sit down, why are you scared. It’s okay, everything’s going to be okay.” Frank pulled Gerard in for a hug and ran a hand through his disgusting hair until the tightness seemed to leave his shoulders. Frank eased Gerard down to the floor.

            Gerard kept his face pressed into the shoulder of Frank’s t-shirt.

            “Frank, I’m such a fuck up, you know it, you see it every day, I’m not in control any more, I’m letting everyone down, I’m letting you down, I’m letting the kids down, I’m letting Mikey down oh god everyone hates me.” Gerard punctuated the last point by hitting his head against Frank’s shoulder and letting out a cracked sob. “I want to die and I’m so scared.”         

             Frank put an arm around Gerard, rubbing circles into his shoulder as he sniffled.

            This wasn’t the first time he had done this. It probably wasn’t even the fifth. In fact, it was happening more and more often, Gerard showing up after a day or two of being gone, teary eyed and full of confession. Somehow, Frank had always managed to talk him down from whatever drug and booze-laced cloud Gerard was in.

             Frank shrugged his shoulder, forcing Gerard to sit up. The curl of his shoulder was more pronounced than ever, like he was bracing for a beating. He really did look dead already, diseased in more ways than one, eyes dull and wet.

          But under the corpse makeup and fake blood there was a person whose heart was still beating and god damn him if Frank let the man he loved die like that.

            Frank put his forehead against Gerard’s.

             “What if we just left?”

            Gerard’s eyes pricked up from their staring match with the floor. “Left? And go where?”

            “Anywhere, somewhere far away from bunks and bands and anyone that knows who Gerard Way is. We’ll go somewhere no one can find us, and I swear on my life, you’ll get better.”

             “We just can’t do that.”

             “Why not?”

             Gerard’s eyes fell again. “They need me.”

             Frank let it sit for a second, trying to figure out what to say. His forehead was sticky pressed against Gerard’s and his breath was foul but they kept their voices at a whisper, keeping this between them, in their space, away from their band and their fans and the world. This was them.

            “God, Gerard, I’m not joking, we can just leave this world behind because we both know you’re set to self destruct.”

             “I’m not laughing.” Gerard let out a shaky breath against Frank’s cheeks.

             “We can do it. Just us. We’ll get you out of here.” Frank tried to say it like it was a fact, solid and certain. But Frank wasn’t certain at all. Not with the media and the album coming out and Warped coming up, and the bandmates that needed them and the fans that would be looking for them, trying to tell them they saved their life, but goddamn, he had another life that needed saving and it was curled up and sweaty and came crying to Frank’s bunk at four in the morning. And that was the life he cared about.


End file.
